At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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