Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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