I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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