Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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