you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize