woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize