I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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