I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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