I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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