Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have post one night stand depression
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