I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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