White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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