guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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