Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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