Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize