I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize