K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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