just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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