I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize