oh god the rape fog is back!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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