I puked a lego.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize