Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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