I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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