You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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