I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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