another moral hangover. fuck.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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