And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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