apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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