We won't sleep together?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize