I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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