covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
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So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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