Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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