I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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