She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We have so much sex to catch up on
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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