The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize