WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
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the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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