Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize