I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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