sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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