And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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