I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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