The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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