I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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