pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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