So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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