If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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