K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I puked a lego.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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