I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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