Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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