My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize